The “after” pictures of my essay are still in progress because I had printed out a copy after my revisions on my laptop so I could sit down and read it aloud to then make more corrections. First, I switched the order of my body paragraphs. In the “before” pictures, my first paragraph is now my third paragraph in my “after” pictures. This was recommended by one of my peers and ended up making my essay flow much better than before. Also, I cut down my second paragraph by taking out a chunk of an evaluation by Kaphar and ending it with the bit about focusing a camera. I felt that it became repetitive so cutting it down helped strengthen my thesis without going overboard. Additionally, for my last two paragraphs, I created theses to strengthen the body of my essay. This helped set up a structure to focus on a specific point that was debatable so I could provide evidence to get that point across to the readers. After reading the Little Seagull, I focused on opening each paragraph with a thesis to focus on a specific idea, so I wouldn’t stray off and start talking about random things. Also, I focused on sticking to the main point. When I printed out my essay for the second time, I went through and deleted or reframed any sentences that had nothing to do with my thesis. This provided clarity for my essay, focusing on why art is important.