Revision Plan Strategy (6)

My goal for this paper after the first revision process is to create thesis sentences to start all of my paragraphs that are debatable and support my overarching argument of how art has had an impact on the past, present and future. For my first two paragraphs, I have a strong thesis but the third one, I got lost and couldn’t begin to create another thesis on why art was so important. Also, I will create a break in between my first body paragraph. I wrote a paragraph that was over a page long, so I will take a look at where my peers thought I should break the paragraph and continue to make it flow more. I am determined to create thesis statements that are specific and overall convince the reader on why I think art has such a big impact on other people’s lives.

The steps I will take to accomplish this goal is to go through and look at my other two paragraphs that do have specific thesis statements. I can then use those as a reference to follow the same strategy I had before to create a debatable thesis. I will also concentrate on what I’m trying to tell the reader in the third paragraph. I am specifically focusing on replaceability so I will look back at Kaphar’s TED talk and find a way to connect African Americans suffering to this concept of replaceability. To shorten my first paragraph, I will see where my ideas start to shift in the paragraph and break up the body paragraph so it is not word vomit but two specific ideas that support my argument.

My biggest challenge will be to sit down and find evidence to support the concept of replicability in my third paragraph. I had done this before hand when I was writing my free draft and gave up several times due to frustration. But, my peers had provided an example I can use from Kaphar’s TED talk which will help point me in the right direction. Additionally, it will be difficult to allow myself to be okay with having a paragraph about Southan then another paragraph about Kaphar. Through writing my free draft, I constantly tried to combine the two to make it flow on why Southan was wrong and Kaphar was right. But I realize that the direction I have to go in is separating these two writers to further my thesis I make in the introduction. If it becomes very difficult, I plan to look back at blog posts to bring back my first thoughts on Southan’s and Kaphar’s work to help me focus on why these theses are important to me. Also, I will make an outline of each paragraph with my thesis statement and the evidence supporting each thesis statement. By doing this, it will create a final draft that stays on the subject of why I think art is important and will help me to stay away from summarizing each supporting evidence I use.